National Adoption Month Interview: Adoption Benefits

“Life, Liberty & the Pursuit of Family” is a series of conversations and blog posts celebrating National Adoption Month. This conversation in the series comes from HRC Family & Workplace Project Coordinator Alison Delpercio.

My last post focused on making adoptions affordable and one of the resources listed to help defray the costs of adoption was employer adoption benefit programs. More employers than ever before offer these benefit programs and this week the HRC Foundation released a new resource, Adoption Benefit Programs: LGBT Considerations for Employers, that provides an overview of these benefits and how to ensure they are inclusive of our community.

If you’re considering adoption, you should look into whether or not your employer offers these benefits. They include financial assistance and leave time for employees who adopt and can be a huge help for you and/or your partner as you complete the adoption process.

I recently sat down with Nathan Monell to discuss his experiences adopting and taking advantage of his employer’s adoption benefits. Nathan is chief executive officer of Foster Care Alumni of America and a member of the All Children – All Families National Advisory Council. A full transcript of our interview follows the jump…

Alison: Thanks so much for taking the time to talk to me about your experiences. First, an easy question: tell me about your family.

Nathan: Our family consists of two dads and two great kids, Zalo and Kira, ages 6 and 4. The children are biological siblings and were adopted when they were 2 ½ and six months old.

Alison: How did you and your partner decide to adopt? Can you share a bit with me about that decision?

Nathan: From the very moment we met, adoption was part of our discussion as a couple. Both of us wanted to adopt and were interested in finding a partner who wanted to be a parent. Though we were not always on the same timeline or having the same courage about moving ahead, we both knew we wanted to. Our desire to adopt was born out of the belief that we felt that we had been given so much that we wanted to turn around and share it with children who needed it. What we learned in the process is that we are being given as much or more by how our children enrich our lives. Adoption is a very mutual benefit.

We did learn a lot through attending a nine-week parenting class called Maybe Baby. I think that kind of learning with other potential parents takes you beyond the romance of parenting to the reality. It is a serious commitment that we never have regretted making.

Alison: Did you face any challenges during the adoption process because you are a gay couple?

Nathan: Yes, we got very discouraged by the roadblocks to us for public adoption in our state. We intended to adopt from foster care but that was not an option. We ended up adopting internationally, but in order to complete a second-parent adoption, we had to move to another state where it was legal to complete the process. That was stressful on the whole family and entirely unnecessary.

We also faced some doubts from our family members who were not sure we knew what we were doing. I think most women imagine two of their husbands adopting a child and think. “No way!” All of those doubts have disappeared as the children have thrived under our care.

But I have to say most of the response we got was very positive and encouraging. The informal networks of support were terrific and we learned a lot about LGBT adoption from mentors who had been through the process. We live in a very accepting community; we have never experienced one instance of discrimination as a family.

Alison: You and your partner both took advantage of your employers’ adoption benefit programs when you adopted. What type of financial assistance did your employers provide?

Nathan: Both of our employers offered adoption assistance to help families adopt. We were very grateful for that and could not have financially afforded the cost of international adoption without that and the federal adoption tax credit. We also took advantage of the leave offered by our companies. Bringing home a toddler and an infant was a challenge and everyone needed time to focus on the adjustment. We also took advantage of one company’s dependent care coverage as soon as we were arranging child care when we went back to work.

Alison: You hit on an important point for people considering financial assistance for adoption: the federal adoption tax credit. We should note that, generally speaking, it is best for individuals to take full advantage of the tax credit before exploring reimbursements through their employer. Did your employers provide leave time as well?

Nathan: Yes, I was able to take 90 days of paid leave and the children’s other dad also took paid leave though not as much.

Alison: You have a unique perspective when it comes to adoption benefit programs because not only are you an adoptive parent, but as CEO of your organization, you also lead efforts in implementing the adoption benefit program. From an employer perspective, why are these benefits important?

Nathan: There are several factors that drive organization’s commitment to offering adoption benefits.

One is an issue of equity. Adults who cannot have children biologically should receive a benefit comparable to the health and leave benefits offered to employees who are biological parents. In fact, many companies who say they have nondiscrimination polices based on sexual orientation will find they have disparity in what they offer LGBT parents. The adoption benefit should be equal at least to the health care costs the employer should offer for a pregnancy. In many companies that amount would range from $8,000 to $12,000. Of course, the adoption benefits should be open to parents who choose to adopt, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Corporate responsibility also drives that decision. If we as organizations want to support our employees in making decisions that benefit the whole community, supporting adoption benefits are important to send a message that the company encourages those choices and supports all of its employees’ families — biological and adopted.

There is one area in employee benefits that Foster Care Alumni of America would like to see change. Few human resources benefit plans even address the issue of foster children. We would like to see more corporations include some type of leave for employees who take a foster child in their home and to change their definition of family members to expressly include foster children in all of their leave policies where kinds of family members are listed.

Alison: Any advice you would give to employers implementing these benefits?

Nathan: Strong benefits that build families are not only the right thing to do, but they also build loyalty to the companies that offer them. If your company is in a state that does not allow second parent adoptions, consider what equity means for your employee whose partner adopts but he/she cannot legally do so.

Alison: Yes, or an alternative situation where the employee completes the primary adoption and it is necessary for the employee’s partner to complete a second parent adoption. How about any advice to employees looking to take advantage of these benefits?

Nathan: Sometimes, LGBT employees are hesitant to take advantage of adoption benefits for fear it will out them and they are not ready. I will tell you that it is almost impossible and certainly not recommended to stay closeted and raise a family. If you are not out at work, adoption is a good time to bite the bullet and make that important step for the integrity of your family. If you cannot do that with your current employer, it may be time to find one who will welcome your family.

Alison: Speaking of employers that offer these benfits – tell me about the work of Foster Care Alumni of America.

Nathan: I am so lucky to work for FCAA. It is a national organization of nearly 3000 amazing adults who experienced foster care as children. Our mission is to connect alumni to stop the isolation that often happens and to offer mutual benefit and support. We also want to take the expertise and energy of those who have been consumers of the foster care system and harness it to advocate for change for those who are still in foster care. You can learn more about our organization by visiting our website, www.fostercarealumni.org.

Alison: One of the main goals of our National Adoption Month activities is to raise awareness within the LGBT community of opportunities to adopt children from foster care. With your Foster Care Alumni of America hat on – what do you want the LGBT community to know?

Nathan: Every day I talk with unbelievable adults who never found a forever family. There is a penetrating sadness never to have been claimed and valued by anyone as their own. Many members of the LGBT community can relate to that sense of not having belonged as a child.

The LGBT community could change foster care forever by stepping up and saying, “I can be a foster parent. I could adopt.” You don’t have to be perfect to be a parent. No one is. But using the resources and love you have in your heart could change your life and the life of a child all alone in the world. Whether you adopt a teenager or an infant, it is never too late to give someone else a place to belong.

Parenting has been the richest reward in all my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. If you could see the love in my children’s faces you would understand why.

Alison: Thanks so much for the work you are doing at FCAA and for taking the time to share your experiences with our readers.