HRC Back Story

Every week, you hear from me about the latest news from the Human Rights Campaign. These notes give me a chance to directly address HRC’s members and supporters.  But on this special Mother’s Day weekend, I thought I’d step aside and let you hear from someone very dear to me—my mother, Pauline.

But before I turn it over to my mom, there’s one thing I want to make sure you know about. Next week, the HRC Foundation, in partnership with the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association, will release the Healthcare Equality Index (HEI)—a first-of-its-kind that rates the nation’s hospitals on a set of baseline standards of patient care for GLBT Americans. I will tell you all more about it next week, but in the meantime, on Tuesday you can go to www.hrc.org/hei and download a copy of the guide. 

Now over to Mom…

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On Mother’s Day, A Wish for the GLBT Community

It’s Mother’s Day again.  I have received many gifts, and cards, and phone calls over the years from my three beautiful children.   When they were little, they made the cards and presents, scribbling “Mom” in crayon.  I treasure all of these things, but the greatest gift of all is being a mother; and my three greatest gifts are Melissa, John, and Joe.

I love them all equally, and although motherhood is a challenge under any circumstance, I have never once had to worry that someone would question my commitment to any of them, or my importance in their lives.   As a mother, it’s unbearable to imagine it being otherwise.

Many mothers do face that reality every day.  Same-sex couples are raising children in every state, and almost every county, of our country.  Because of discriminatory laws, though, thousands of lesbian and transgender mothers are not recognized as the parents of the children they are raising, and their children lose out on the security of a legal relationship to their parents. 

For example, over 60% of children raised by same-sex couples live in a place where second-parent adoption isn’t allowed.  That hurts these children.  As a mother, I remember getting phone calls from school: Joe has a fever.  Melissa fell on the playground.  I can’t imagine being turned away at school when I tried to pick them up because I wasn’t the real parent.  Or not getting the call at all! That’s what can happen when the law doesn’t see you as a parent.

Even when a child is legally the child of both GLBT parents, there is still discrimination.  When a parent dies, a surviving spouse receives Social Security “surviving parent” benefits to help raise the couple’s child.  Under federal law, same-sex couples are never “spouses,” even if they’re married in their home state.  As a mother, I am angry to think that not all mothers’ hard work is rewarded equally under federal law, especially since all workers pay equally into Social Security, and all children need financial support when they lose a parent.

My son, Joe, is working with the Human Rights Campaign to make sure that all parents are treated equally, and all children are protected equally, under state and federal law.  We need to make sure that no child is denied the full protections that parents work hard to provide, and that no mother loses sleep at night worrying that her family is vulnerable to discrimination. 

Usually Mother’s Day is the one day of the year that the kids try to give Mom everything she wishes, whether it’s breakfast in bed or a card made with crayons, glue, and glitter.  This year, my wish is for every lesbian, bisexual, or transgender mom out there to have the same family security that I do, and for every child of a same-sex couple to have the same protections as we were fortunate to provide to Joe, Melissa, and John. 

Happy Mother’s Day.

--Pauline